There's No Place Like Home
by hazeleyedfaith
Summary: Edward and Bella have been best friends since pre-school. Edward has known for years that Bella is the only girl he will ever want but has been too timid to tell her. Little does he know that Bella has harbored the same feelings.
1. Chapter 1

**There's No Place Like Home**-

Chapter One. - Sniffles and Oz

EPOV-

"_Edward?...sniffle"_ Was she sick?

"_Yeah?"_ My love. My life. The only object of my secret and undying affection since we were both four and I decided to let her be the boss of me if it made her happy.

"_I need you right now...sniffle" _ Wait...is she's crying?...

" _Oh, Bellabell, whats wrong?"_ Bella crying is a rare thing so something must have really upset her.

"_... Huh? What isn't wrong, Pennyhead?"_ She half laughed, _"... Can you just come over? I really need to talk to you. I have to get this out. If I don't I...just... Please, Edward?" _

Oh god, oh god, oh god! My hands started shaking...This is it. I can feel it coming I thought to myself as I almost dropped the phone. She is going to tell me that she knows. Of course she knows. How dense could I have been to think that hiding the way I feel about her was even a remote possibility? Bella is smart and beautiful and incredibly observant. And I am her stupid, pining, love-sick, fool of a best friend.

Of course she's seen through me all of this time. She's probably sick of pretending not to notice and wants to break her lack of mutual feeling to me gently. Shit, she probably feels guilty for it. I know Bella too well. And if she does feel guilty, I know it is my fault for not being able to keep myself as guarded as I thought. I thought I was hiding it so well, though. Holy fuck. _Way to screw things up Cullen!_

The panic in the pit of my stomach was crashing like the waves of a perfect storm. I mean, what else would this be? Bella didn't just call to cry about things. She rarely breaks down over something so when she does it is pretty significant and I always come to the rescue. But something about the way she said my name on the phone was different this time. It was almost pleading. _ Desperate_ even?

_Something_ was up and I couldn't help the onslaught of images that flooded my mind as I contemplated the different possibilities of what it could be. If her distress isn't over us then I don't know what it is over because Bella and I share everything with each other. And up until this point I was unaware of any other drama that may have flown her way. Other than that pervy ass Mike newton. But that is a story for another time. We'll get to it. Don't worry. Still I am pretty certain that Bella has figured what is going on in my heart. I just can't think up any other reason for her to sound so...I don't know_...foreboding_? Was that it?

"_Edward?" _Bella called my name but it didn't register with my brain. I was thinking. Seriously. I also may or may not have been trying to control the freakishly erratic beating of my heart. If it were any louder I wouldn't be surprised if Bella could hear it through the phone line. I guess I could always just tell her that our schools drum line was using my street for practice, right? Funny how fear makes ones heart try to jump out of their chest._"Edward?.. You do realize that I can heard you breathing, right?"_

Lost in my moment of inner monologuing, I recollected the strange behaviors and changes that had occurred in our relationship over the past few months. I began to wonder if maybe over the summer I had seen some of the same flutterings in Bella's eyes when she looked at me that I often tried to conceal in my own. Things were different whether or not either one of us was willing to admit it. But I knew that I couldn't allow myself to believe what I had seen was real because if I did then I would have to allow myself to have hope that Bella and I could be something more than what we were. More than just best friends. That maybe, just maybe Bella was in love with me too. But I couldn't allow myself to have that hope, because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn't survive the crushing blow that would follow if I had been wrong.

I was so fucked.

Or was I?

I guess I should explain that Bella and I have been absolute best friends since the first second we met in pre-school. I was the shy boy crying and scared when my mother left through the Winnie-the-Pooh themed door of our classroom. I wouldn't stop wailing for_ forty-five_ minutes. The staff tried all they could to comfort me but to no avail. I kicked and screamed and pleaded with all that I had until the staff gave up and all that was left of my torrent was me crouched alone in a corner of the room eyes red and cheeks flushed from crying my heart out. My forehead was red from tugging at my own hair as desperate tears continued to cascade down my face. At least that was until I was approached by the enigma of an angel named Bella Swan.

It was thirteen years ago but I remember it all so vividly. Like perfect technicolor stills permanently imprinted in my heart and mind. . . .

_. . .__**And cue the flashback**__. . .and possibly... maybe...some doodley doo music and jazz fingers al a Wayne's World._

* * *

(AN-Typos are on purpose people. They are only four here so they can't pronounce everything properly!)

. . . She was peaches and cream in a blue and white checkered sundress. Her soft glowing mahogany hair illuminated by the overhead lamps on the ceiling was divided into two glorious braids that flowed sinuously over each of her shoulders. One on either side of her face. Each thick braid was tied at the end with royal blue ribbons that were formed into perfect petite bows delicately framing her invitingly heart shaped face. She had a little shaggy (half strangled) stuffed dog tucked right under her left arm. She was standing there arms crossed, only inches in front of me in red glittery mary jane shoes tapping one foot vigorously on the floor. She was staring down at me with her brows furrowed and I was so caught off guard that my tears came to an abrupt halt. The only thing I could do was stare back wide eyed, jaw dropped and still sniffling.

She was beautiful...stunning...And then she spoke to me...

"_Hey, your hair looks like a old penny. Did you know dat?..." _When I didn't respond right way she huffed. "_Hey!.. I don't want you to cry anymore ok?..... It makes me sad too._" She said, puffing her bangs out of her face with a frown and an exasperated breath.

I was in awe. I was hooked. But I was only four. So I didn't know that yet.

"_Sniffle_" I snuffed while rubbing my wet nose on the sleeve of the tan striped sweater my mother had dressed me in that day. I was trying to keep the flow of my snot under control now that I had an audience. Blinking rapidly I looked up at her.

"_This is Toto wanna hold him? He helps me when I cry..._" She said as she settled on her knees and held the stuffed animal out to me with her sympathetic and inviting chocolate eyes. "_He doesn't bite I prwoooomise._" She cooed with a half frown begging me to accept her act of kindness.

"_Sniffle_" I started reaching out with one hand until she pulled the dog halfway back to her chest frightening me with her quick jerky motion. A sudden and very different look of concern was splayed across her face.

" _I mean...he doesn't bite unless your a witch. Are you a witch?_" Her eyes squinted and a slight crease formed between her brows. Her rosy full lips pursed for a few seconds speculative and appraising until her eyes found out what they were seeking in my own.

"_No_." She declared after only a moment gently biting down on her bottom lip. "_Your face isn't green so I don't think your a witch. Here!_" She offered the dog out again immediately after her small epiphany. A proud and relieved smile spread on her face crossing from one cheek to the other. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

I looked in rapt fascination as I accepted Toto from her while I tried to make sense out of her brazen friendliness. She was both beautiful and strong in spirit and yet vulnerable in this simple act of reaching out to me. A boy who she had never met and had no obligation to. A pathetic crying boy at that! With that thought I decided it was time to respond.

"_I'm..not a ...wi..wii...witch._" I huffed out between after cry puffs of air.

"_Yeah I didn't think so._" She said. "_You don't have a big nose and no moles neither. My dad says you gotta have those to be a witch. You're too pwetty to be one_." She blurted out before smacking her hand over her mouth with a flash. Her eyes grew wide at her own statement as she recognized her folly.

"_I am not pwetty! Pwetty is for girls. My mom says I am handsome. Handsome is what you say for boys_" I retorted, all crying now forgotten. I. Was. Not. Pretty.

Her cheeks flushed to the same rosy color of her lips in her embarrassment as she twisted her body from side to side kicking one of her legs up in a half pirouette. I couldn't help the little flips that began in my stomach at watching her cuteness. _She's the one thats pretty, _I thought_._

Then she spoke again pulling me out of my revery. Her face was now only inches from mine examining me closely. I pressed myself deeper into the corner I was sitting in at the sudden invasion of my personal space. She, in turn, stepped even closer. The tip of her nose was only over an inch away from mine now. She seemed to be scrutinizing every detail of my face but I didn't care. And it didn't make me uncomfortable either. I just stared back in wonder. I'd let her play connect the dots with my freckles if she wanted to. She was comforting. She smelled wonderful too. Vanilla Wafers, Strawberry-apple juice, and...flowers? I liked it. A lot.

"_Hey."_ She spoke suddenly,_ "You have emerald eyes. Like the city. Did you know that Pennyhead?" _She paused and thought for a moment when I didn't respond right away and then continued. "_Why were you crying, Pennyhead? I wanna know."_ She just had to go and remind me of my mom. ugh! I had almost completely forgotten.

" _Umm...I'm...Scared?... My momma's ..(huff, huff, sniffle).. Gone to work. Sheeee. Lefffft. Meeeeeeee!_" My voice started to shake and my lips began to quiver. I could feel the lump of panic rise in the back of my throat at the sudden reminder of my abandonment. I almost started the crying all over again but before I could, the girl crouched before me screamed in excitement. "_OH!"_ Taken aback by her unexpected outburst, I just stared at her, frozen in my place waiting for her to speak.

" _Dats all?! You need courage!" _She let out a mischievous giggle_." Come with me and I'll get you some courage from da wizoorred._ _After all, I. Am. Dorothy_!" She said excitedly.

" _**Isabella Swan!**_" The teacher exclaimed from across the room._" __**What did we say about telling fibs?"**_

My angel in blue turned around to look at the teacher and huffed with her hands placed on her hips obstinately. She turned back to me with slight resignation and with a roll of her four year old eyes she said ...

" _Fine! Bewwa. My name is Bewwa Swan. But! Today I! Am! Dorothy!" _She said with force_. _Her voice grew more gentle as she continued to speak._ "And cause you are scared, you are gonna be my cowardly lion ok_?" Her chocolate eyes softened as she took in my hesitance while she finished her thought. "_And we are going to get some courage for you. Ok?!"_

Perplexed by her beauty and tenacity the only response my four year old boy brain could muster was a simple head nod followed by a weakly spoken " Ok."

"So_ what's your name, Lion_?" She asked.

"_Huh?_" I replied furrowing my brows as I deciphered her question.

She huffed shaking her head back and forth and threw her hands back up to her hips_" I said... What's your naaaame, Lion?" _

"_Oh, I'm Edwod." _ I said timidly. I could already tell that this angel was a force to be reckoned with. She scared me a little. But in a good way.

She grabbed my free hand_ ( The one not carrying toto) _and pulled me up off the ground and out of my sad little corner. Once I had wiped off my cheeks and brushed off my pants she grabbed my hand again and surprised me once more.

"_Come on, Edwod! Let's sing, ok?" _With a huge grin in place she immediately started to sing and skip and I had no choice but to follow her lead._ '"We're off to see the wizod" _We began_, "The Wonerful Wizod of Ozzzzz!" _I had no choice. I was her lion.

_(__**Cue the doodley doo's and jazz hands again because we are going back!**__ )_

* * *

Even then I knew I was hooked, that I would follow her anywhere. But right now, at seventeen years of age, suddenly I felt like that four year old boy sitting alone in that corner again afraid of what was to come. If she did know how I felt and did not return my feelings I would have to figure out what to do from there. It would be excruciating but I would do whatever necessary to keep Bella in my life. I can't just assume she knows how much and in what way I really loved her though. For all I know I am jumping way ahead of my self in all of this. I needed to prod. Test the waters so to speak. So hesitantly, still on the phone, I asked my next question.

"_Bella? Sorry, you lost me for a minute there." _I realized that I had probably been quiet for longer than I thought when Bella responded.

"_Really? You think? Jeez Edward, what were you over-thinking this time? Hello?! Crying girl calling best friend for comfort here."_ She said obviously a little perturbed but also knowing me well.

"_Umm...What exactly do you need to get out? Is everything alright? I mean...I...I?"_ I spoke unsure of my own words. Nerves began to over ride my brain's ability to form coherent sentences.

My hand that wasn't holding the phone to my ear began tugging at the thick hairs on top of my penny-head. (Don't judge me! That term came from my Bella and I gladly embrace it for myself!) My heart was hammering against my rib cage as I sat here waiting for her to respond. I can't lose her, I told myself. I'll deny it. I will deny every accusation of my affection for her if it means that I can keep her. That is just the sick type of masochist that I am.

"_Edward,.. just come over ok?"_ She sounded tired, desperate, and pleading. I didn't expect her to go all out in detail right there but I had hoped for a little more than she gave so I sent out a small little prayer hoping for some serious favor. _God if you here me...now would be a good time to help me out._

Resigned to possible defeat I gave Bella the only response that my seventeen year old boy brain could muster.

"_Ok, Bellabell, Ok." _

"_Oh! And Edward?"_

"_Yeah?"_

" _Use the window, ok?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**There's No Place Like Home**-

Chapter two. - Pop goes the Bubble.

BPOV-

THREE MONTHS PRIOR...

We were sprawled out on my bedroom floor surrounded by checklists. Different magazines, color swatches, party rental forms, menu options, and wardrobe selections (For her whole freaking family!), currently littered the hardwood floor that only and hour ago had actually resembled something that was meant for walking on.

Now it was simply a kaleidoscopic sea of pictures and papers created by all that is _Alice_ and her severe level of ADHD _crazy_. Seriously, if there had been a national security color code for Alice's excitement when it came to planning party's, then Forks, Washington would have been on red alert _long_ ago.

If this girl could convert her energy into watts she'd probably be able to power up the entire continental united states for at least a year without even needing to blink.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not.

Sometimes I just want to stick her on one of those giant hamster wheels just to see how long she can go before falling off. I bet she would probably run herself to death if you dangled the latest issue of _Vogue_ in front of her face just out of reach in much the same way that you would get a horse to start walking forward by teasing a carrot in front of its nose (The Vogue being the equivalent of the carrot for Alice).

That being said, I really do love the girl, and no, I do not wish "Death by hamster wheel" upon her.

She really is like a feral pixie on a diet of sugar cubes and orange soda, though. And when she sets her mind to something she usually always goes way overboard with whatever that something happens to be. But she always does it out of love so you can never really stay too upset with her for long when she does. This time however, I was really trying to reign her in as much as I could knowing how uncomfortable her intended target would be with what she was planning.

We were working on plans for Edward's upcoming birthday party. His birthday was about a month away but still, ever the one to be prepared, Alice had her nose buried deep in a party supply catalog scoffing at the unsatisfactory ( By her standards) options for dance floor rentals. I thought they all looked fine but according to Alice, they all looked _"Too cheap"_ or simply were not _"Large enough"_ to accommodate the _"Hordes"_ of people she would be inviting.

_Great, _I thought to myself. _Hordes of people?_ _So. Not. Good. _It's not that Edward isn't a "people person" because he actually is. Most people are naturally drawn to him because he is very kind and considerate and will go out of the way to help someone even if he has never met them before, heck, sometimes it's like he knows what a person needs without them even saying it. Despite that side of his personality, Edward generally likes to keep things simple.

Along with the more outgoing part of him, Edward has a large tendency to keep mostly to himself. Or...well...me. He prefers things like his birthday to be kept private and understated which I totally understand because I am the exact same way.

Every year before our birthdays, Edward and I plan and practice the best escape routes from both of our houses in our attempt to avoid the inevitable "party" only to be foiled by little miss "_I knew you were going to do this_" before either one of us ever makes it out the door. Each year our "Emerald City" AKA "Escape destination _numero uno_" (Ok. So it's really just a pretty meadow that we found together one summer and kept secret by playfully naming it in honor of our first meeting.) goes unvisited thanks to Alice and her _Birthday Nazi_ interfering ways.

Edward and I are simple in the best way possible. We don't really need any bells and whistles to enjoy things. In fact, usually all we need is each other. No fanfare. No frills. Just us in our beautiful bubble of best-friendship. And maybe, sometimes, a beautifully lush green meadow._ Sigh_.

_God how I wish that beautiful bubble would pop though_. Not in the "_I don't want to be his best friend"_ sorta way, but more in the, "_God I've been in love with him since I was four and although I am truly grateful for every single day that I get to walk alongside him and call him my best friend, really I just want to scream out to the heavens that he is my soulmate while slapping him over the head for not realizing that I am his too, and start a new "Boyfriend/Girlfriend, I want to love you every day of forever" beautiful bubble." _sorta way. Get it? Good. Glad we are on the same page here.

"_Bella! This is going to be a big event!" _Alice shouted at me pulling my brain back out of its Edwardland stupor (_See_, _Edwardland is this really awesome place that my mind likes to wonder off to without my permission sometimes and once I get there everything else that I was doing before just sorta fades away. Not. My. Fault. I swear. I really have no control over it! Not that I am complaining. It's a really nice place to be._).

I may or may not have been narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips at Alice as I realized that she had just handed me yet another one of her ridiculous party checklists.

This was too much. She was driving me insane. Simple as that. She was going way overboard and I really had no desire to be going down with her ship. It's not that I'm not excited for Edward's birthday, because I am. It's just that I know that what Edward would want, and what Alice wants for him, are two completely different things.

"_Alice, I understand that you are excited, heck, excited is like, the understatement of the century but, please, I am begging you, not to forget __**who**__ this party is actually for." _I tried my best to reason with her. That however, was my first mistake. There is no reasoning with Alice. Ever.

"_UGHH!!!" _She replied. "_It's not every day that one of my brothers gets to turn seventeen, Bella! Edward is just going to have to deal with it. He knows how I get and I know that he will thank me in the long run. Okay? Trust me on this! I've seen it! "_

"_Alice."_ I said, trying to look stern. I was sitting up with my arms crossed over my chest looking down at her petite form still lying on the wood floor. She knew better than to pull the whole "I'm so psychic" card with me. She quickly changed tactics once she caught her mistake, by placing her hands under her chin and looking up at me like a sad, lost little puppy, full lip pout and all. It didn't matter that I was a year older than her or five inches taller, the girl was not going to back down. However, when she saw that I hadn't so much as flinched at her attempt to pull me over to the dark side, she gave up the pout, huffed, and then sat up as well.

"_Bella," _She snapped, looking back up at me with fire in her eyes. _"You know that once my plans are in motion they don't stop. You have also known me long enough to understand that I have a reason for everything, and without giving too much away, I have to say that this whole thing is as much for your benefit as it is for his. Something's gotta give eventually and you both are so clueless that I just can't keep standing by anymore and not...."_ She kept talking unaware that I had begun tuning her out minute ago. Sometimes the best option with Alice is to just stop listening.

Whatever reaction this "_Event_" gets out of Edward is going to be entirely her fault. I did my part. I had tried to convince her, yet again, that her brother would prefer something small and played down with his family rather than some huge catered blowout that involved anyone and everyone that he tried to avoid at school on a daily basis.

Edward having a good heart did not make him oblivious and although he was usually accepting of most people, he was also very good at spotting people who only played nice for their own benefit. Unfortunately, Forks High had its fare share of phony and superficial people. And even more unfortunate than that fact was that when Alice threw a party she never chose to discriminate between the lambs and the wolves. All were welcome to celebrate.

I knew Edward inside and out. I knew what made him happy. I also knew what would make him extremely uncomfortable and was therefore trying to protest Alice's unbridled zeal for all things social on his behalf. Unfortunately (And predictably I might add) Little miss Alice was having none of that. _Sorry Pennyhead, I tried. _

f

"_Bella....." _

"_Beeeellllllaaaaaa......"_

"_Bella."_

"_BELLA!"_

"_God, Alice! WHAT?! I don't know what else to say to you. You know that Edward won't want this! He is going to be miserable when he is having to hide from Jessica and Lauren's advances all freaking night." _I kept eyeing her. She knew I was right._"Do you not remember finding Edward and me hiding from them in the kitchen pantry last year? I do! Heck, I'll remember how Edward and I stunk like vinegar for a week straight, FOREVER! All because we were so on edge hiding from them that we knocked over and shattered a giant bottle of it trying to climb up the shelves when you opened the pantry door squealing about us not appreciating all of your efforts! Edward was so panicked and all you could think about was how he wasn't attending the party that you were throwing for him that he didn't even want to begin with! And guess what, Alice? You. Are. Doing. It. Again." _I shot her my best _you know you are wrong and I am right _look by raising my eyebrows at her and then waited for her to challenge what I had just said. I had her and she knew it.

Instead of responding to the verbal ass whooping I just gave her, she paused and just glared at me for a good minute. _That can't be good. _Word to the wise? It is never good when Alice goes silent. And worse? When she goes silent in the middle of a stare-down.

Then, in what I am sure was her effort to distract me from my attempt to tone down her plans, Alice took the brief moment of silence that had erupted between us to beat her pencil against her lips and ask me with her squinty hazel eyes a question that was very vague and yet very pointed. She knew it too.

She must have caught me in "Edwardland" the second that I had thought of him in the brief moments before she handed me that dumb checklist. Which probably meant that I had been absentmindedly grinning like a cheshire cat while twiddling the friendship ring that dangled from a silver chain on my neck. He had given it to me as a gift for my sixth birthday and yes, I still wore it. It was from Edward. Not wearing the ring had never even occurred to me. In a strange way it kind of made me feel like he had marked me as his and that was a feeling that I would never let go of willingly.

It really sucks when your face is an open book and you honestly have no control over it. Especially when the one person who can read you better than anyone just so happens to not only be one of your best friends but also, and most importantly, the sister of the one and only guy that you have ever wanted to be with.

It was almost impossible for me to hide anything from Alice though. So now it was really no surprise that she sprang her very calculated question on me.

"_Bella, honestly? How much longer are you going to allow yourself to suffer in silence?" _Alice spoke softly.

Oh great, here we go..._again. _I knew what was coming_. _She's good._ Too _good. But I, ever practiced in the art of denial and feigning ignorance, was prepared for it this time. Or so I had thought.

"_Alice, I don't know what the frick you're talking about. Care to enlighten me?" _If she was going to play the vague game, so could I.

"_Don't give me that crap, Bella. You and I both know what, or shall I say __**who**__, I am talking about." _Her eyes narrowed as she took the pencil that she had been tapping against her lips and pointed it toward the chain and ring that adorned my neck, daring me to challenge her accusation.

I sighed and rolled my head back. Was it finally time for this? Did I really want to come clean in the middle of my messy room, halfway through an argument with Alice that I was clearly not winning? I mean, what do the rule books say about confessing your undying love for your best friend to said best friend's sister who also happens to be your really good friend? lost? Yeah, me too.

It seemed however, that my heart was making all of my decisions for me as tears began to well in my eyes. I'm not sure why, maybe it was just the timing, or the way she had so aptly worded her question (Because suffering was quite literally what this felt like), or maybe it had just been the fact that I had been bottling this up for so long, terrified of ruining my friendship with Edward if he found out and rejected me, but words began to spill from my lips before I could even think to say them.

Seeing my sudden change in demeanor, Alice flew across my bedroom floor landing on her knees a wrapping her delicate arms around my neck. She began finger combing my hair as I sobbed out my confession.

"_Oh, Alice! I Don't know what to do!"_ I said in between sobs _"I love him! All of him! Every freaking pale inch of him! Inside and out." _My body was shaking almost violently with emotion._ "I have always loved him." _Words spilled from my lips filling my room with what I am sure sounded like some pathetic ramble of a mad woman but Alice just started rocking me gently, still holding me tight to her. Her eyes were wide with what looked like shock but something told me that it had more to do with the fact that I was finally letting this spill out of me than it had to do with what I was actually spilling.

"_He was my lion alice. My freaking lion! Hell, he still is. He was so sad, Alice, he let me help him! Did you know that?" _At this point I don't think she knew what I was talking about but it made perfect sense to me. Years of knowing Edward. Years of experiences with him. All of the pent up emotions I carried with me. All of it just tumbled together to create one long stream of chaotic rambling._"He let me take him to the freaking wizard! He never lets anyone help him, ever! Oh, and his eyes were so green! They __**are**__ so green!" _More sobs broke through my chest. _"My Pennyhead, God Pennyhead, I love you so much." _Alice lightly chuckled into my neck and quickly tried to muffle it._ "He protects me too, Alice. All of the time. Even when he doesn't think that I know about it. Did you know that he threatened Mike Newton last week?! For me, Alice! FOR ME!! And he didn't even say anything about it. He defended my honor and didn't want me to know!"_ I sounded nuts, I'm sure of it._" God I am such a freaking girl! But I love him so much. Alice, do you know long I have kept this hidden? How fucking long I have kept this inside of me? Kept it secret? Forever, Alice! For. Fucking. Ever!"_ Alice lifted her face from my shoulder and backed away slightly. She sat back on the heels of her feet and began stroking my hair. _"I know honey. I have always known." _She sighed and closed her lips waiting for me to go on. She knew I wasn't quite finished. I look up at her through my tears and continued. The word vomit was already free flowing so I figured at this point why stop while I'm ahead. Right?

"_He can't know, Alice. Damn right I have suffered in silence all this time! I don't want to ruin what we have. I can't. God but I...Alice I want him to love me too." _I sobbed_ "So much. Not just as my friend either. I know he loves me as his friend but my heart wants so much more than that. My heart wants everything with him. __**Everything!**_ _Alice, I __**need**__ him to want me too. But he is so much better than me, Alice_. _I know that I'll never get to have him that way."_ My voice dropped at that last statement knowing how true those words really were to me.

Alice's eyes bugged out of her head a little bit and her jaw dropped._"Do you really believe that, Bella?" _I didn't really want to acknowledge her question or have my doubts confirmed so I just kept talking.

"_He is so beautiful, Alice. He is so fucking talented. So kind. So intelligent. So much of everything I have ever wanted. God Alice! He __**is**__ all I am ever going to want and I know it. My soul would be crushed without him and I just know that he will never want me like that."_

"_**Enough!**__"_ Alice shouted angrily at me as she pounded her fists into her knees. I just ignored her and continued still.

"_Alice, it's true! I am so fucking plain. I am so normal. God! He is my best friend, Alice. And even as just his friend? When I stand next to him? It's like I am boring vanilla frozen yogurt and he is like... like, Ben-and -freaking- Jerry's, Fan-Fucking-Tastic, Phish Food, you know? All chocolatey and marshmallowy and fudge fishy and wonderful." _Tears were still streaming down my cheeks as the corners of Alice's mouth started turning up. I could tell that she was fighting back a laugh at my analogy until I sniffled and Alice cringed as I used my long shirt sleeve to wipe my nose. I was upset and didn't have any tissues. What'd she expect me to do?

"_Alice, what am I suppose do? It's so heavy you know. This weight. This loving him so much. I can feel it pressing on my chest crushing my heart all the time. I am honestly not sure how I manage to breath half the time. And, ughh, Edward is such a fucking idiot too at the same time! How could he not know, Alice?! I think I am just as angry as I am glad that he is clueless. All I want is him and it hurts so much that he is so oblivious to it. That he'll only ever want to be my friend."_

Alice interrupted shaking her head from side to side._"Bella what makes you think that he..." _ I didn't let her finish her sentence though. I wasn't done yet.

"_Do you know what it's like to feel so hopeless? To have the love of your life standing right next to you but feel like he is a million miles away from you? Like the Edward that could love me back is in there somewhere, but will never get to make his appearance because the Edward standing next to me can read everyone in the entire flipping world but me!"_ I sighed in defeat. Even I knew that I was sounding crazy_"I know. I'm mental. You can say it."_

Alice just stared at me blankly. Somewhere during my rant she had shifted to sitting indian style.

"_Are you quite finished?"_ She said staring at me blankly. I too shifted to sitting indian style and suddenly found that my fingernails were the most interesting thing in the world.

"_Yes."_ I said weakly, picking at my nails refusing to look up at her.

"_So, first things first? You are an idiot." _She stated matter-of-factly slapping her open palms down on her skinny jean-clad thighs. As if it were _no big deal_ that I had just bared my soul to her and she followed it up with an insult.

"_What!"_ My eyes immediately shot up to look at her face. I was hurt. I realize that I am a total fool for loving Edward as much as I do but did she really have to call me an idiot. Kick a girl while she's down why don't you.

"_Well,"_ She replied _" You are."_

"_Ali.."_ She cut me off before I could even complete saying her name by flashing her left hand out in front of my face and forming the universal sign for stop. She looked so serious. Her lips were pinched together in a tight line while her eyes almost shook with the intensity they were throwing my way. To be honest, the look she was giving me made me feel uneasy. She scooted back up to me just enough so that our knees were now touching. Grabbing both of my hands in her own, she began to speak.

"_Bella you need to listen to what I am about to tell you, and listen to me closely because I am only going to say this once. I also expect for you to believe what I am about to tell you without question because I have never, ever, lied to you and therefore have not earned any doubt that you may have in the statement that I am about to make. Got it?"_

"_Alice, I...I..."_ I couldn't think of a way to finish my sentence. I was beyond confused by what Alice was saying to me. She was acting like she was about to divulge some type of top secret information and was now asking for my unconditional faith in her words. I just gaped at her flapping my jaw up and down and slightly nodding my head. I probably looked more like a fish with Tourette's than an almost seventeen year old girl in that moment.

"_Bella, __**promise**__ me." _Alice spoke firmly.

What else could I say? _"I promise, Alice. I don't know why you need that right now but.."_

" _Edward loves you Bella." _She spoke over me. Effectively cutting my train of thought.

I fought back a scoff as I responded to her _" Well duh, Alice I know that.."_

"_No! Bella! Edward LOVES you! Like, he LOVE, loves you." _

Hold the phone. _What?...I...Did she just?...He...WHAT?...I...But...She..."Alice, you just can't say stuff like that to me..." _I just sat there doing more of my spastic fish impression not sure how to process what Alice was telling me. Thankfully Alice continued speaking.

"_Edward loves you in the exact same way that you love him, Bella. And he feels the exact same way that you do about__** all**__ of it! He is just as afraid of you rejecting him as you are of him rejecting you! I swear the both of you are so emotionally inept it's not even funny. Can you not see it, Bella?"_

"_No Alice I can't. I can't see it because he hasn't shown me. How could he possibly feel that way without me knowing it? I am constantly struggling to hide how I feel about him and I am always on the verge of slipping, of accidentally staring into his eyes for too long, of almost revealing how the simple grazing of his hand on my own makes my heart skip four beats. So how is it, if he feels the same way, that I have never even seen one flicker or reflection of the way I feel, mirrored in his eyes? Tell me that Alice, and then maybe I'll be convinced"_

"_Bella, don't you think that you expecting to be able to see how he feels is a bit of a double standard considering the fact that he has absolutely no clue that you feel the way you do about him?"_

"_Well.." _Fuck. She was right.

"_Bella, think of it this way. The two of you have been best friends for the majority of your lives.__** And**__ during that whole time you have both been in love with one another whether you were aware of it or not."_

"_Alice, you don't know that for sure."_

"_Don't argue with me about this Bella. And yes, actually, I __**do**__ know for sure. Edward obviously can't talk to you about this so he has to go to someone else. Hello, duh. Me! Anyway back to what I was saying before."_

"_Wait! What?! Edward actually admitted this? Like, the fact that he LOVE, loves me actually came from__** his**__ mouth?! Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, I think I need a brown paper bag." _

"_Bella would I really lie about this shit? Ye of little faith, Focus! I am trying to tell you my theory on why the two of you bozos are so stunted in recognizing the LOVE, love that you have for each other."_

"_Alice, before you continue, I __**really **__think that it will be in my best interests to find some sort of paper breathing apparatus to help control the whole, "I am about to pass the fuck out" issue that I am currently having" _I was seriously about ten breaths away from a total blackout. This couldn't be real. Edward. My Edward. My love. My life. The only object of my secret and undying affection since we were both four and I decided to boss him around because he was the only one who would let me, _LOVE_, _loves_ me?

"_Oh. Right. Umm...Here!"_ Alice calmly said as she handed me one of the sample gift bags that were currently spread around my room. Once I began breathing into the bag alice continued. _" Right. So. On with my theory then? Okay so, Because you have always known each other and have pretty much always loved each other, neither one of you have recognized the romantic love that you feel for one another as such because....dun-da-dun-dunnnn.... are you ready for this Bella? I mean really, are you ready?"_

"_YES, ALICE! SPILL IT! FUCKING ENLIGHTEN ME ALREADY!" _I pulled the bag away from my mouth and jump up off of the floor from my seated position to pounce on Alice. She was now prone on her back looking up at me with her wide mischievous eyes and the smuggest grin I have ever seen. Edwards included. Which really says something about exactly how proud of herself she was currently feeling.

"_Jeez, don't we have our panties in a twist today, Bella." _She let out a body shaking laugh and the pushed me off of her to continue speaking._ "Bella, the both of you haven't recognized the "LOVE, love" for what it is because it has always been right in front of your faces. It's like you are both trying desperately to look for stars in the sky during the day only to feel disappointment at not seeing any because the sun is out. But Bella, the sun __**is**__ a star and you are both so busy looking for something else to confirm its presence that you are both oblivious to the fact that it is the very thing keeping the both of you all warm and glowing and fuzzy feeling. It's staring the both of you in the face every time you look at one another. Do you get it? Do you understand? Was that analogy cheesy enough to break through all the density you have in that big head of yours?"_

Tourette's fish face made way for stoic fish face as I told alice to shut up._"Shut up Alice. I think I am having a serious moment here." _I really did need her to shut up. I really was having a moment. Like a monumental "Oh-my-god-she's-right." moment.

Alice sat patiently waiting for my moment to pass and a whole five minutes later I finally had a coherent sentence prepared for her. _" Okay. I get it. I believe you...and I get it. So what now? Now that I know, what do I do about it?"_

Alice quickly channeled her inner sugar cube, orange soda ingesting pixie and in a move that was almost too fast for my eyes to catch flew from the floor to do her own crack addict version of what I am guessing was a happy dance. When she stopped to stare at my still unmoving form, she grabbed a clean sheet of paper and her trusty pencil and sat right back down beside me.

"_We conspire!"_ She said. Rubbing her hands together in the same maniacal way that cartoon villains do.

"_What?!" _I furrowed my brows in confusion. She understood my question because she was quick to follow with her explanation.

"_Bella, you my dear, are stubborn. But our dear Edward is even more stubborn than you. You know as well as I do that he will never believe me if I tell him exactly how you feel about him. Heck, he's so masochistic that he probably wouldn't let himself believe it if it came from your very own mouth. So, __**we**__, and by "__**we**__" I mean mostly __**you**__, are going to engage in devious little acts of subtle and maybe not so subtle persuasion. It may take some time and some serious finessing but we __**will**__ get Edward to pull his head out of his butt and finally see the sun for what it is."_

"_Okay..."_ I Drawled out wondering what it was exactly that I was getting myself into. Alice was a pro at getting what she wanted but when _she_ used words like "devious" and "finessing" in regards to her scheming, I started to worry. What exactly did she plan to have me do? What exactly was her definition of _"not so subtle"?_

"_Alice?"_ I asked, _"What exactly are "we" going to do?" _Alice gave me one long appraising look before she responded. With that one look I knew that I was going to be in deep if I agreed to go along with her plan to "persuade" Edward.

"_Bella, I have to ask, how far are you willing to go? How brave are you? Because we may have to get our hands dirty. And we definitely will not be fighting fair. How badly do you want this? I promise that you will have him at the end of it, Belly. You Just need to trust in the plan."_

I didn't even have to think about it after what she said. She could make me run down the street naked with "I heart Edward" written all over my body for all I cared. If it would buy Edward a clue, I'd do it. Enough time had already been waisted denying our hearts and now that I had finally recognized the truth for what it is, there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to help Edward see it too.

"_I'm all in, Alice." _I declared,_"What's the plan?"_

For one brief moment as I caught the devilish gleam in Alice's eyes, I was actually afraid of what I might be signing my self up for. That fear really did only last a second though because I meant what I had said. I. Was. All. In.

Alice was literally bouncing in her seat,_ "Well...I was thinking that first you could...."_


End file.
